What My 7-Year-Old Granddaughter Taught Me

Highlights

A couple of weeks ago, my seven-year-old granddaughter climbed up next to me and said, almost like it was nothing, "There's this girl I don't like. She's pushy. And she keeps finding me on every game I play."

She was talking about an online avatar dress-up game. Similar to the Paper Dolls we played with when I was a child.

I felt that little jolt every parent or grandparent knows. Not panic, just instinct. So I asked her a few questions. How do you choose what you look like? Does your avatar look like you on other games too? And then I told her what I tell all my grandkids: if something feels off, trust that feeling. You don't have to keep playing with someone who makes you uncomfortable. Come tell one of us, and we'll block them.

She went right back to building her world like nothing happened. But I sat there thinking about how much has changed since I was her age.

When I was little, my mom told me if a stranger ever grabbed me, kick him between the legs and run. That was the danger back then. A stranger. A street. A van.

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(Yes, there's a part that may make you laugh!)

They don't need the white van anymore. They just need Wi-Fi.

And they don't need candy either. They need sweet words, attention, flattery, a little affection aimed right at wherever a kid is hungriest for it.

So "don't take candy from strangers" doesn't cover it anymore. Here's what I tell parents instead. Three things that go a long way toward keeping kids safer:

1. No devices in the bedroom overnight. Simple, but proven. Whatever charges at night, charges outside the bedroom door.

2. Keep the conversation open — always. Kids go to the parent they already talk to. If the first real conversation about safety happens after something's gone wrong, it's too late. Make it normal to talk before that.

3. Tell them why. "Don't talk to people you don't know" isn't enough on its own. Explain what you're protecting them from, in a way they can actually understand. Kids follow the rule better when they understand the reason behind it.

That's it. Nothing complicated. But it's the difference between a kid who freezes and a kid who comes and tells you — like my granddaughter did.

And here's the last thing I'd add, for the parents and the grandparents both: trust yourself too. Call it your gut feeling, call it the Holy Spirit, call it whatever you want, but when something doesn't feel right, listen. So many women who've lived through something terrible say the same thing afterward: I knew something was off in the beginning. I wish I'd trusted myself. Teach your kids that instinct. Practice it yourself.

Happenings

PS: This is exactly the kind of thing I write about in Rescue the Children, and it's part of why I'm running a Kickstarter right now to get it into print. We're already 88% funded with backers who believe kids deserve to grow up safe. If you'd like to help us cross the finish line, click here.

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Horizons